Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
