I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wish i was in the wii world.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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