Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
