Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize