wakey wakey hands off snakey
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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