YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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