I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
It's just like the Real World with babies
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
