Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
