If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I skipped work to stalk him.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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