I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
