so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
