He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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