Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
