I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
