Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
