im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
