I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
