He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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