sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Floor bacon is actually really good
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
