can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
