Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Randomize
