I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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