went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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