We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
