Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
