At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize