I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
my liver is dry heaving
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
