He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
