Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
