he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Drake has all the answers
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize