His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
