I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
