Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
