I'm so fucking centered right now
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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