two words: eviction party
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
