mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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