Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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