She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My brain says no but my pants say off.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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