Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
