Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
