yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
