420 ftw
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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