He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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