She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I am naked and annoyed.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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