It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
