you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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