I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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