Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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