i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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