Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
