I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
