Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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