i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
