Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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