fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
