literally had 100 drinks last night.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
