dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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