you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
