Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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