You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
