I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
