it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
