Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
