worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
