hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
