how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
