You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you didnt know i had herpes?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
