Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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