His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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