In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
it's great music for shaving your balls
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
