I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
