i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
