the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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