From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Found the puke drawer
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
