We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
