Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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