He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
