I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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