I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize