rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
