Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
